Speed Bumps

Try to remember where we were yesterday, force that memory into my head when you act like you did this morning. Remember when you told me to ignore you, that it's not me. Doesn't hurt any less, did make going home easier though. When I need a resolution, I need to find compromise, an agreement or common ground now and you don't...makes my head hurt. Bide my time and bite my tongue. Not always an effective plan when, if I put any thought into it, I won't bring it up later. So it goes under the rug. It's getting lumpy. We can finish each other's sentences, always know where the other is coming from, we're agreeable and open minded. Yet, seldom do I know what's really going on in there, and I thought I was guarded. We have constructed walls that we're slowly chipping away at. Trying to upgrade a friendship into something else. Although its like starting out on the 15th date, still not easy as it may seem. There's so much more on the line. Never realized you were just as jaded as me. Still this shouldn't be so hard, you shouldn't weigh so heavy on my heart. So, when I think of this morning I will focus on how sweet you looked and how your arms felt around me. Before you woke up and a stranger lashed out at me for nothing. Hope it's not some darkness that I uncovered. One that I could never live with.

"Well you should have known better
Dead thoughts and lost horizons
And to take it further
It don't get any better
Well out here on the border
Ain't nobody asking questions
No I don't need a miracle
But I could use a push in the right direction"

-The Refreshments

"Over here, see the lights
Arranging twilight sages
Commence to reveal it to the others
You would never have the time
I would love to change your mind
You were there
And it was good in the beginning
You were there
We were good in the beginning"

-Pete Yorn

Conversations

"I'll be writing everything down. All I have is time until then anyway." Just part of the conversation I never wanted to have with him. A necessary one he approached with that same matter of fact level headedness. He's getting up in age and I can't deny that, even though he never seems that way to me. Part of me wishes he was younger, two weeks shy of 38 when I was born, but if he was younger I would have been raised with a different set of values. Part of that older generation that seems to be fading away. Got my brains, my eyes, my smile and my morals from him. My first inclination was whisper a prayer and put my head in the sand. It'll turn out ok. They do open heart surgery more frequently now, might even be routine? Instead, somehow between now and then, I need to find my way to Louisiana.