tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38642692012-01-06T03:21:35.246-08:00I'd like to fly...but my wings have been so denied...Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.comBlogger2131100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-73202260470543229732011-11-18T16:10:00.000-08:002011-11-18T16:21:05.710-08:00For Danny Part 2Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-10356304605722323592011-11-17T10:42:00.000-08:002011-11-17T12:31:25.675-08:00For Danny...When your child has a best friend, that friend becomes part of your life, almost like an adoption. When the Lord takes them home you want to help your child find understanding. Well there isn’t any. A week later, still grieving, I’m getting away from the shock and sadness to angry tears. It is not fair. At 19, you still have your entire life ahead of you. All the conversations with Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-71321761392820555052011-05-03T12:59:00.000-07:002011-05-03T13:04:08.148-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-42721933984981549712010-11-03T15:56:00.000-07:002010-11-10T13:04:16.752-08:00<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-24103951680934223512010-07-19T00:55:00.000-07:002010-07-20T18:13:49.090-07:00Forty HoursService may vary according to my mood and your attitude. Sunday night and I can't sleep. Weekends are too short. Knots in my stomach. I hate my job. What I hate is having to answer for others mistakes and 'why do I have to pay for that? Gimme gimme'. Part of me misses tech support. Sometimes I tech calls anyway out of boredom. When you call customer service being nasty and demanding Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-10318788849969757902010-05-17T01:01:00.000-07:002010-05-17T01:53:54.777-07:00Sleep Tight...This is not something I should feel embarrassed about, but I do. There was no cause or prevention I was aware of, I didn't even know the damn things really existed. We've all heard that saying from when we were kids 'sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite'. Along with Santa Claus is real and the monster in your closet isn't. So when my son informed me we have bed bugs about 18 Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-18606693079261415242010-05-09T01:20:00.000-07:002010-05-09T01:23:01.770-07:00WritingI don't like not writing here. I like to feel frustration, anger, happiness and have it all come out into notepad. Whether I post it here or not. Obviously those emotions have not ceased to exist. Maybe, I'm not dealing with them or I've found a different outlet. Maybe there's no outlet at all. For the most part I'm happy, but even the shiny new life I have is not without tarnish. For the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-73827663619018691552009-12-13T23:58:00.000-08:002010-07-20T18:14:19.897-07:00Against My WillYou're like a song stuck in my head. Written just for me, to music only I can hear. Setting my heart on fire. Playing back words and memories. Craving you. You're in every thought I have, every song I hear, every descision I make. I sought patience in myself that I didn't know was there. An understanding and selflessness I never knew I had. A calmness much more than any ideal Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-86503302867716906732009-10-16T18:02:00.000-07:002009-10-16T20:24:15.709-07:00Who Shook the Etch A Sketch?!So yesterday I went to take my first math exam. No book, no notes allowed. Just a pencil and they give you the scratch paper. I really studied. Some of it came easy, some not so much. My boyfriend and my son both helped when I couldn't wrap my brain around it. Study, study, study. One thing I noticed was any of the new stuff I was learning I could do a few problems Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-39602756490356389972009-08-27T14:37:00.000-07:002009-08-27T14:42:54.213-07:00Remember, rememberI feel haunted. Impressions on my heart from things that are no longer tangible, voices echo but ultimately alone. Feelings left behind, always left behind. Always ending. Always becoming the past. Some weighing so much, that in the dark, alone is all I can focus on. Remember his touch, remembering her hugs, remember, remember. Always moving forward. Silence. Solitary. Past. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-70331518191113725702009-08-14T13:59:00.000-07:002009-08-14T14:14:51.859-07:00Highway JunkieI know all the road signs. Every exit, every turn, hill and mountain between here and Salt Lake. Thru parts of California, Hesperia, Victorville, Apple Valley north on the 91 to Long Beach. South on the 15 to Temecula and San Diego. Been down Route 66 in Arizona. But I've never seen a mile marker in New York or an exit sign in Tennesee. I've crossed rivers in Utah, Idaho and points Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-70585117092461775912009-06-15T22:52:00.000-07:002010-07-20T18:17:10.084-07:00Why I Don't Watch The NewsOver the last year or more I have limited my “news” intake to items that I select. Picked out of the business, health, science and technology sections of websites mostly. Avoiding the local news and the large network news stations. Not because I’m not interested in the goings on in the world around, I care very much. Too much. To the point that I cannot handle hearing Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-76618877406295626192009-06-05T08:15:00.000-07:002009-06-07T14:49:07.778-07:00One WeekA few times this week I awoke and thought she was still here. Early and still dark, before I was fully awake. She slept next to me for seven years. Certain other things that I didnt want are staying with me. That night I stayed with her after she passed, but not for long. Shocked and grieving, I still knew I did not want to remember her that way. Covering her eyes, while I cried and Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-55972111847741651212009-06-05T00:44:00.000-07:002009-06-05T12:08:07.155-07:002/16/02-5/30/09She is gone. Taken to the emergency room Saturday night after realizing far too late that she was in liver failure. Brought on by the chemo, by the lymphoma or both. The events leading to the end don't matter as much. She didn't make me decide, she let go on her own a few minutes after we arrived. Rather than tell you how my heart is broken I would rather write about why I loved Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-49271118194906211102009-05-30T02:35:00.001-07:002009-05-31T11:41:01.003-07:00The EndShe's dying. I'm watching her go right in front of me. Cant hold a thing down. Holding her while her breathing falters. The vets office is closed. Just me and her. Lay here with her. If she makes it til the dawn I'll take her then. She fell so fast, hour by hour I watched her disappear. The cancer doing what it does. Taking her from me.Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-56914086676830973552009-05-10T15:10:00.000-07:002009-05-10T15:14:22.405-07:00BlockOk, it's time to admit it. The posts have slowed down here not because my life is suddenly uninteresting, the writing is gone. Scared that is has disappeared like my ability to read books and my desire for photography. It's just not there. Normally I write all the time, maybe half of that ends up on here. Something happens, something pops into my head, the things trapped in my brain flow outNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-88439571773093905282009-04-08T23:31:00.000-07:002009-04-08T23:37:08.707-07:00I Know Stuff Sometimes...Yesterday, I got a faint glimmer of hope. Put a halt on the frantic searching for a resolution and finally got some answers....and some arguments. Felt a lot better after going thru all the options and potentials, from best case to worst. Spent almost three hours with Clover for the first meeting at the oncologist's office yesterday. Went thru all the treatment options, Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-90170910185293526602009-04-02T11:41:00.000-07:002009-04-02T11:43:33.934-07:00CloverNever thought this day would come so soon. She just turned seven in February. She should have several good years left, she still acts like a big puppy. Two weeks ago when I found that lump on her throat I knew. Took her to the vet for the biopsy anyway, asking him about all the other things that could cause the lymph nodes to swell. The first biopsy was inconclusive and gave me hope. Th e Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-87267561341830112162009-03-09T23:04:00.000-07:002009-03-10T07:25:51.215-07:00Speed BumpsTry to remember where we were yesterday, force that memory into my head when you act like you did this morning. Remember when you told me to ignore you, that it's not me. Doesn't hurt any less, did make going home easier though. When I need a resolution, I need to find compromise, an agreement or common ground now and you don't...makes my head hurt. Bide my time and bite my tongue. NotNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-73832157265653221862009-03-05T06:43:00.000-08:002009-03-05T06:49:03.960-08:00Conversations"I'll be writing everything down. All I have is time until then anyway." Just part of the conversation I never wanted to have with him. A necessary one he approached with that same matter of fact level headedness. He's getting up in age and I can't deny that, even though he never seems that way to me. Part of me wishes he was younger, two weeks shy of 38 when I was born, but if he Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-47584328524967802042009-02-12T10:45:00.000-08:002009-02-12T15:47:31.465-08:00Right RoadsWhen I went for a walk last night it had stopped raining. Needed to go as part of my new commitment. The streets and sidewalks were slick, so no jogging. No sense in taking that chance on my still shaky knee. Just past the halfway point (same distance to go back as it would be to finish) it began to rain again. Large, gentle drops turning into a light rain. At first I was a little Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-47875259621921256712009-02-03T14:35:00.000-08:002010-07-20T18:17:51.867-07:00Grandma's RosesWhen the tears started as we past the exit I was kind of surprised. Already gazing out the window, I didn't need to hide it. Exit 16, down to SR-9 and into Hurricane (pronounced "Hurrikin" by locals). So many years I never went beyond that exit. For some reason this time as we past it on our way to Cedar, I thought of Grandma's roses and the tears began to fall. Every spring she Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-24287220431410342512009-01-29T22:04:00.000-08:002009-01-29T22:06:38.095-08:00Enough There was a PS in there somewhere but I began to ramble and lost track like I do sometimes. Sometimes I forget that things going alright in an able body might not be long term for me. The other day I was thinking "I've had enough". So I ran with that negative mantra playing in my head for two days. Then I figuratively smacked myself, I have had enough. Enough food to gain a little weight Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-89827347428418715012009-01-29T06:42:00.000-08:002009-02-12T10:58:48.751-08:00Two Years InSo I'm thinking of a symptom check. How things have changed for the better and for the worse. Really, not bad at all, or I forgot. So the winner is for worst symptom, memory loss and cognitive ability. I'll group those together, usually I forget the things I've forgotten. Until I'm reminded, someone asks me something and it's like having a little tickle in my brain in a gap where the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-45339731949804533692009-01-08T00:31:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:53:34.270-08:00Angels and FriendsWe all fall down sometimes. You place enough weight on your own shoulders, you're bound to become top heavy and the slightest thing is going to knock you off balance. When that happens you're supposed to get back up, brush yourself off and continue. Then there are times when that load you were hauling buries you. So you lay there for awhile. Unsure of how to get back up. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-19602816925573804292008-12-29T23:59:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:17:25.580-08:00TiredIf for just one time there was something at the end of the struggle. A moment, a reason, time that happiness would touch me... Instead of paying for every occurrence. Like I pay ten times over for one shiny moment. To fall away into darkness again, down a twisted path where everything is just an obstacle. Nothing is easy. Not for a second. I'm tired, of everyday a struggle and nothing to Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-52308765555588200802008-12-15T23:46:00.000-08:002008-12-15T23:53:52.489-08:00Time Marches OnTomorrow another year has passed. Another year older. As my friend pointed out the other night he's now closer to 30 than I am. Bite me. What did I do with it? Not much. Thinking tonight I may have surpassed the age where, if I were to die, people wouldn't see me with unfulfilled potential. I'd like to think that I still have some left. Some part of me is still longing to go to Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-89168795296301170302008-12-11T14:38:00.000-08:002009-01-03T14:33:19.457-08:00Who's Gonna Fill Their ShoesSo I went thru the country music chart today. Wondering what is happening to this genre of music that I was brought up listening to. Looking thru some of the names listed and I guess I just don't get it. One of the best songs listed, in my opinion, and maybe one of the most country songs out is by Darius Rucker. Remember him? Hootie and the Blowfish. He's gone country.Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-4570318704046031272008-12-10T14:30:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:23:06.653-08:00Bushel of ApplesBeen telling myself that I'm not going to screw this one up. No games, no trying to figure stuff out, just letting it flow. The only thing I'm thinking is hiding, which is what we do. It wouldn't be new. So when, for the second time in as many weekends, we walked in and I saw that guy sitting at the bar I wanted to turn around and walk back out. Telling myself fkn behave. So what Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-79406247025888680972008-12-02T18:49:00.000-08:002008-12-02T18:50:39.223-08:00PSNormally I don't write things with the purpose of them going on here. Writing happens, some things I post some I don't. After re-reading the previous post I was going to delete it. Too negative. Instead I decided to do a PS sorta of thing. There was a lot of bitching going on. There a lot of people a whole lot worse off than I am, and a lot more who are better off. I know how lucky I am. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-73387536146110210642008-12-02T14:26:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:17:00.039-08:00Doomed to RepeatLooking back on last night everything was fine until she came home. Resulting in another argument, but this time between the boy and me. He told me he had no intention of finishing high school, it's a waste of time. You didn't graduate and you're ok. What? I didn't have a choice! They kicked me out for being hospitalized because that put me over my allowed absences. You are makingNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-11326690066013041682008-12-02T00:32:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:23:24.119-08:00The DanceChoking on my words. Even if they are only in my head. Called you Saturday night because I owed you. Wanted to tell you we have to stop and it can go no further for the sake of our friendship. Those words were never spoken out loud. Lying to myself. Knowing when you hugged me that those words would never reach your ears, not tonight. We listened to "The Dance", my favorite song for the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-12013398678711731852008-11-25T13:35:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:23:43.286-08:00AlmostProbably won't count with this either. Always said I never wanted things to go very far. So what did I do? I basically dared you. If you mean what you say...Prove it. Show me. Over time I've learned that it's easier to let 'em go and walk away. You did try, I'll give you that. Been a awhile since someone treated me like a lady, and I was proud of you. So now I'll go, feeling like I forced Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-31797428477643657452008-11-22T15:13:00.000-08:002009-01-12T04:11:25.049-08:00Other People's ChildrenLast night I was texting the boy telling him to be home by 5. We'll go out to eat somewhere. His response, "I already ate can I stay the night at my friend's house?" Normally that response isn't a big deal. This time I was choking back tears as it hit me. He's growing up. What 15 year old wants to hang out with mom. He does better than most. We still talk, watch tv, watch Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-43020564778108823962008-11-17T14:20:00.000-08:002009-01-12T04:11:48.408-08:00Wonder WomanYesterday was quite the adventure for me and a friend of mine that I've mentioned on here before. We've been trying to spend more time together to see what happens(and prolly both praying it doesn't blow up in our faces), instead of constantly running from each other. Anyway the evening started out by him having to carry our favorite very drunk bartender, prince charming style, to Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-28022226112522007872008-11-16T01:48:00.000-08:002008-12-12T09:23:19.539-08:00Denver to OaklandDammit, dammit, dammit. My favorite freakin player from my favorite freakin team got TRADED for crap. Matt Holliday for...for fkn Greg Smith??? I KNOW they need help in the pitching department, desperate help, but he ain't it! So they trade the All-Star LF Holliday for three pretty mediocre players from the A's. One pitcher maybe ok (Street), but the other two? Jesus I hope they Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-23078958652468444712008-11-13T14:28:00.000-08:002009-01-12T04:12:22.155-08:00Good StuffMeaning to put something on here for at least a week but somehow I managed to be very busy. The creators of the website Zen Moments stopped by here in the last few weeks. Asked to me if I felt there was anything I might be able to contribute to the site. Being super critical of most anything I write, it took days for me to figure out what may be appropriate. After weighing thru things Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-82005240179580033522008-11-12T23:28:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:24:05.570-08:00Cross RoadFor the first time, in more than 20 years of friendship, I don't know what to say. This is critical and I can't find the words to reach her. Struggled thru this for the last few days, I can't sleep again. In so many ways I felt the person I spent two hours on the phone with on Sunday was a stranger. There has to be someone else whispering in her ear and she's listening to him, instead Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-41331743334576156362008-11-08T00:56:00.001-08:002009-01-12T03:24:30.416-08:00Title UnavailableSo weeks have passed now and I've left you alone. Never wrote anything about it either. Didn't know where to begin. Probably shouldn't do it now, too much in my head. Looking at it from every angle it comes back to the same thing, somewhere I made a mistake. Unsure of what. One day we were fine, then we weren't. Maybe I was wrong and we never were. There are no words that come. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-65378460944410323922008-11-05T00:08:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:25:05.558-08:00HistoryNot until tonight did it truly register with me. Didn't think about it when I cast my ballot earlier today. The significance of what was going on. Having been saying for weeks, get in the booth and flip a coin. Not particularly caring for either candidate, I chose what I felt was the lesser of two evils. The same as I did four years ago. It wasn't until I watched it unfold on TV tonight. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-92232461267381137872008-11-04T12:16:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:25:21.847-08:00RepeatHere you are again. Lost in conversation. That smile, those arms. It's all so effortless, we fall right back into this every time, with no thought about it. Your words seem to flow easier now. Knowing I can tell you anything, gave you the run down of the crap that happened to me Saturday. Probably I shouldn't tell you those things, maybe you don't want to know. "Someday you'll forget those Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-72252923437572537532008-11-01T23:40:00.000-07:002011-11-17T17:48:17.000-08:00StupidSo you reap what you sow. Right, got that. Karma will bite, got that too. Practice what you preach is probably applicable. Sounds like a good cliche. Recently I had a conversation explaining why you don't read other people's text messages, you don't eve's drop. PERIOD. You are bound to hear or see something you didn't want to, don't understand and take it completely out of context. The onlyNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-19937547917471628822008-10-31T23:30:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:19:10.723-08:00Number 16Tomorrow it starts. Open season. As of me writing this there is one hour and 12 minutes left of October. What will be on the plate for November this year? Having already hurt my ass recently that should be out of the line up (in case anybody missed it I fell down the stairs here about a month ago and broke my tailbone), no nails in sight. What's weighing heavy on my mind, and I'm trying Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-35489300218108409632008-10-31T00:13:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:26:06.433-08:00Faith. Hope. Love.Hope, something will change, via my own hand or fate's. Faith, things can't stay the way they are. Love. These three things inscribed and hang around my neck on a chain, reminding me. If lost, in ways, their importance exceeds that of food or water. Sustenance falls to the wayside when you get to that point. Pulling away from everybody, I still haven't lost these three things. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-52082639881524541742008-10-23T20:40:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:27:09.111-08:00HermitWhere to go...what to do... Over the last year I've lost more friends than I can count. There was something I wrote on Friday that I thought was pretty accurate, now I know it's not. More on that in a minute. The time here is to find something within, to buck up and deal with life on my own. Several months ago I believed life was not meant to be lived on your own, I wrote something on here Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-76595888795245059762008-10-15T12:57:00.000-07:002008-10-15T22:52:44.364-07:00Mmmm Cowboys...One more thing...Sunday I got this really odd email. An official looking one from UNLV Tickets. According to this email there is one ticket to the PBR (Professional Bull Riding Finals, not Pabst Blue Ribbon) waiting for me at will call. There are two people in this world who know I would want to go. One of them doesn't have that particular email address, plus he's a pretty good Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-34482992552528290532008-10-13T20:35:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:27:51.045-08:00What Was I ThinkingTwo dates in a week, that's pretty good for me I guess. Two ends of the spectrum. Not so nice guy, dinner and a movie carried a price with him. Set an expectation of what he was going to get by the end of the night, whether he had to take it or not. End result, fuck you leave me the hell alone. The other was the same, dinner and a movie with someone who was actually nice. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-2677891737214188422008-09-30T13:56:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:28:09.709-08:00Let It GoNo the words to the song that just happened to come on the radio were not lost on me either. Not at all. You stopped and then started laughing... "Are you listening to the words?" Your laughter didn't stem from any kind of humor. Maybe you had the same thought I did. Which one in the song am I? What irony that was, coincidence whatever. You still don't believe me, I saw that when once Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-91314733308712050922008-09-27T02:23:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:28:55.360-08:00Seven Blunders Of The WorldNot sure who to attribute this to but it's dead on... *Update* Apparently this was spoken by Gandhi."Seven Blunders of the World1. Wealth without work2. Pleasure without conscience3. Knowledge without character4. Commerce without morality5. Science without humanity6. Worship without sacrifice7. Politics without principle"Amen.Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-17550585446682307072008-09-27T01:06:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:29:11.870-08:00Don'tSo what do I do with this? Do you really feel that way or was it the alcohol talking? How was I supposed to know you thought I was with him this whole time. Did I not make that clear to everybody who asked? Not my fault you never asked, but I remember we talked about it. You encouraged it, told me I was crazy not to go for it. Tried explaining to you then there was nothing to go for. There Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-83301374307933618072008-09-14T22:30:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:33:28.978-08:00Crossed WiresWant to talk about this but Im not sure who to talk to about it. Several people I don't want to scare, like I am now, or have them think it's some drama crap. Sure, I've shared some but then let it go. One friend said, and he's right as usual, you could have been stressing over it this whole time. Little scared and a little pissed off. About two years ago I fainted at work, not the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-80248705772990442042008-09-14T14:49:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:20:07.799-08:00Thank you for calling ____So I'm a week into my fabulous new assignment. After my first day I was thinking what the hell did I get myself into. Oh sure I remember most of it (highest average score in the refresher class, 98%), but damn there's stuff I forgot and new things I didn't know about. Thank god my friend was here the first day, I couldn't remember how to put a customer on hold. All in Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-1071907338160131502008-09-14T12:24:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:33:54.472-08:00Pulling back from the brink...Was I standing there, on the edge of a cliff, laughing, crying...dancing? Never noticed, I was too wrapped up in what was going on inside me to notice how close it was. The fall I was headed for no one could have saved me from. Not as if I was listening to anybody anyway. Not that I noticed that they stayed back and didn't follow. Weren't you there with me? Why did Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-36736875974862396622008-09-11T21:33:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:21:06.786-08:00Where Were You?Someone asked me this morning that all important question. Where were you? Not something anyone forgets. Me? I was sleeping. That week I was in a night training class, otherwise I would have been on my way to work. Even though she had just been outside a few hours before, my dog woke me up, dancing around like she needed out. Remember walking down the hallway and making the turn Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-37123199267516933892008-09-07T13:59:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:34:32.085-08:00Smoke Rings In The DarkStill thinking and something else occurred to me. Part of the reason I broke up with my last boyfriend was, not only was I bored, but I didn't love him. Wanted to cut him lose right then so as not to make things worse further down the road, not to lead him on. Not saying it didn't hurt to lose him, I just didn't want to be reckless with his heart. The guy before him, dumpedNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-84897254730387655842008-09-06T04:18:00.000-07:002008-09-06T05:04:43.773-07:00MudIf you're going to drunk dial someone in the middle of the night, telling them how much you miss them and how stupid you are... The least you can do is give them the chance to respond before you hang up. What the hell is it about alcohol that gives people the right to call like that? If you really feel that way, tell me sober. Then I might believe you.Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-48442407692311959192008-09-06T01:45:00.000-07:002008-12-12T09:39:22.703-08:00Last night I dreamt of Manderley again...I could not enter, the way was barred to me with a chain and padlock upon the gate... Been doing a lot of thinking today. So humor me while I wander through this. Some things have been happening over the last few months that I don't understand, changes in myself that I don't get. So, I went back to where was I this time last year. Read back through some Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-39180322920158710152008-08-31T20:22:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:34:55.046-08:00RegretYou made me trust you more than anyone in a long time. Let you have a key to my truck, I would have given you a key to my house. You would never do anything to hurt me, either physically or emotionally. You were there for me so many times. Even just to talk to, you listened to me. I wanted to hear what you said. Never felt like u were raping my ear or forcing things on me. Not once. I Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-2239072939549822352008-08-25T02:05:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:21:34.566-08:00Office Space: Can you hear me now?Just something quick here, an update I guess even thought I really don't do those. My hatred for my job will hopefully end within the next 4 days. Four days left of working my damn brain into a frazzle for nothing. In case no one has figured it out... I work for a large cell phone company right now (under an outsourcer). QA, Quality Assurance. You know when you Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-56155086019373260972008-08-07T01:05:00.000-07:002008-08-07T01:16:31.325-07:00InvoluntaryI didn’t want to know.I didn’t want your secret.It weighs too much for me to carry.It has totally changed how I see you both.You should have known better, and yet you still won.You have no idea that I know and why I can’t look at you anymore.Sometimes it keeps me up at night, yet you seem fine. How do you live with yourself?Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-57124486753076003442008-08-01T19:18:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:22:10.115-08:00Live Like You Were DyingThere is a moment I think most have in there lives at sometime, towards the end, maybe during a horrific event, an odd diagnosis from a doctor. Fear isn't exactly the word for it. It's turning and facing your own mortality. Seeing that things may go on without you. Reflection on what you didn't do, that's where my mind went. Everything I haven't done. My moment came almostNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-15077713794784803452008-07-30T02:18:00.001-07:002008-08-01T00:46:06.561-07:00Mac vs PCSomebody gave me a Mac, well two of them actually. One is a pretty good paperweight (blueberry IMac) and the other I been thinking isn't so bad (Indigo IMac, 500mhz, 256MB Ram, CDRW) just really need it for internet and writing. Needs to be reloaded. I'm sure that must be the problem because surely no one would have ever used something intentionally for any length of time that acts like Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-12399033240149539142008-07-26T00:31:00.000-07:002008-12-12T09:40:00.146-08:00Am I awake and dreaming or dead and remembering...Umm I sat on the below post for a week. Unsure if it even made sense. A week ago I couldn't trust my thoughts. A week ago I didn't have the attention span to proof read this.How did I type that previous post below and not notice? It took me another, what four days, to get it. "Years ago I quit once using it and it worked well." It worked well. It Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-36495603758999489922008-07-15T01:09:00.000-07:002008-07-15T01:12:23.146-07:00I'm a quitter...About a week and a half ago I found an old prescription for Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant that is also used as a stop smoking aid. Years ago I quit once using it and it worked well. Cool I’m going to try it again since the gum didn’t work. About the time I increased the dosage I noticed that I wasn’t sleeping well, couldn’t fall asleep or couldn’t stay asleep. Eh, whatever I’ve Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-1913603025655117502008-07-13T22:14:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:35:41.699-08:00Time TravelK update on the A/C thing... it was a blown fuse. Bah, took the guy like 5 minutes to fix. My mother kept saying something about a capacitor (I knew what she meant, but I also know the difference between a capacitor and a fuse). Couldn't help myself. "It wasn't the flux capacitor was it?" I giggled and she looked confused. Nice. She mentions the same thing to my brother, who asks her Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-48514918339316133372008-07-13T02:29:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:36:14.774-08:00Why July?Why can't the air conditioner ever fail in May? Early June? September? Why does it have to be July? During the monsoon season? It may dip down to 84 degrees tonight with 48% humidity (being a desert dweller, humidity...well it sucks). At least the rain earlier cooled things off for a few minutes. Now the air is still, balmy and hot. The box fan I put in my window doesn't help if it's notNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-90334815988422071582008-07-05T14:59:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:36:30.309-08:00The Scarlet IbisSuch a fine line between love and hate. A strong emotion for one person in either direction, the true opposite is indifference. You can feel both for a person at the same time. Those we befriend and let into our weird little worlds and those we travel thru life with as family, are often the one's we can treat the worst. They drive us crazy and yet they are usually the ones that Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-29173987833665275302008-07-02T20:07:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:36:51.474-08:00The Earth, Plus PlasticA week has passed and I didn't say anything on here. That first time I saw one of his routines when I was 13, actually saw the whole thing, I about died laughing and was hooked. One of our local radio stations used to play parts of his Airline Safety Lecture routine was what got me wanting to hear more (Fuck You I'm getting in the plane! Seems to be less wind in here!). Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-119019044881741182008-06-29T18:54:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:37:08.400-08:00HopelineOne of my favorite sites to visit is Post Secret. It's sort of like being able to read someone's innermost thoughts and secrets, I've both laughed and cried there. Stepped back and felt not quite so alone, not quite so weird to see that sometimes other people feel the same. Some of human nature is shocking, some of it really is very common but we are all too chicken to say anything. At Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-647358191044378262008-06-28T23:43:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:37:59.357-08:00SilenceAt last for now there is silence. I wish my notebook still worked so I could hide in my room with it. So I cleaned my room instead. Funny thing was apparently my ferret was not very impressed that her things were trash, and that I removed them from my closet. She put them back. The silence is soothing. I don't want to be spoken too, leave me with my thoughts. As dark as they may be, they Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-72534617453342343862008-06-25T02:56:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:38:17.395-08:00Thank YouSometimes I don't make the best choices. Some where inside, in the back of my mind, I was considering that maybe you were giving me an ultimatum, even though you didn't say anything. Why would you make me choose when you were the one with the problem? Bending over backwards is my specialty but I'm not bending for you anymore. Keeping my new friend out of it, not mentioning him (but all Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-92194353702932644542008-05-25T21:02:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:38:38.228-08:00CleaningThere's a reason I think we keep stuff in storage. Sorting through that mess tonight I found things. Found memories. Crash landed in the middle of my past. Who would have thought 7 years later I would still be sorting through our stuff. Packed another box to take to him. Then there are things...what to do. Cards. Letters. Pictures. Yeah that box. A whole box of pictures. Some went back toNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-78181602808344255552008-05-02T22:58:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:39:02.170-08:00Strong Enough To BendMy volunteer maple tree that started growing in my yard about a year ago showed me something last night. During this time of year we have A LOT of wind. Blows damn near every day. Looking at the tree awhile back, after the leaves came in, I noticed the few forks of branches are always intertwined with each other. So I separated them. Mind you this is a lanky tree, easily 12-Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-51604767753209252352008-04-19T13:51:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:39:36.793-08:00Life LessonsBeen doing some thinking lately. This was partly written for the boy. What would I want to pass on to him? What lessons in life have I learned? Some of this stuff should be common sense and isn't. It's a little long, could have been longer but I stopped.Don't tell a joke that's not that funny more than once. Help strangers and friends when you see they need it. When you help someone, Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-90655513678993848422008-04-17T00:58:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:39:56.328-08:00Dead EndOh my I've been to the end of the road before. When I thought it was the end I managed to climb over the rocks and debris. Kicked it into 4 wheel drive a few times and made it through. Hmm I'm not sure 4 low is going to get me across a large brick wall. So I sit here idling. Breathing in the carbon monoxide trying to figure out how to go over it. Maybe it's a prison because it's seems to Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-63461288434287545562008-04-11T02:37:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:40:21.593-08:00They're Just Boys...Somethings needs to be said. It's 2am and I've been awake for over twenty-four hours, not even able to count right now because I know it's been longer than that. So, if I write this the tears will stop so I can sleep. Two weeks ago I found out my best friend's nephew, who I've known since he was two-ish, is going to Iraq June 2nd. My first thought? Kidnap him, hide him. Shoot Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-53788305912613805332008-04-09T01:17:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:40:43.343-08:00"Life is a series of dogs"To quote George Carlin... A good friend of mine just had to put there dog down today. Not knowing the dog that well I don't feel the loss but I feel his pain. There aren't a lot of things in life that are worse than making that choice. When I was 19 I had to make the call to put my black lab to sleep, I had gotten him for Christmas when I was 7. I remember the vet Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-5905321080702726302008-03-25T22:04:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:41:18.985-08:00CastlesSo a friend told me this story a few nights ago. We were talking, joking, and somewhere along the way the conversation turned serious. At that exact moment it fit my frame of mind and almost brought me to tears. No way can I capture that moment but I can tell the story...A man gets up on the soapbox in the middle of the town square. He shouts to the passersby "Would you like to see the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-83782793660494322652008-03-21T01:47:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:41:45.155-08:00BridgesSomething has flip flopped. Watching it fall away and knowing I may have had a hand in pushing it doesn't help. Did I really? Did it fall on it's own and I happened to be standing there. Being me I want to take the blame. Even though I'm not 100% sure what exactly it is I'm blaming myself for. Some rules somewhere say I haven't done a damn thing wrong. My heart says otherwise. The little Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-4072031993555568602008-03-18T01:30:00.000-07:002008-03-18T01:39:19.015-07:00Just a quick one...Anyone checking in here from time to time has probably seen me reference this song and this artist more than once. He's a favorite of mine that you will never hear on the radio, well at least not him singing but you will hear his songs. Anyway, the man wrote my theme song, since the embedding from you tube is disabled click here to hear it. Feeling this way a lot lately...One Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-51307696873785398852008-03-16T15:35:00.000-07:002008-03-16T15:39:30.164-07:00What a day!And damn did it turn out awesome! So I forget stuff. One thing I kept forgetting to do was actually buy tickets to the concert I went to last night. A few days ago a friend told me that another of our friend's had extras. So after calling the box office yesterday morning I found out he had better be right. The show was sold out. CRAP. Well I decide to go ahead a browse through the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-17347673284201843882008-03-13T01:10:00.000-07:002008-12-12T09:27:40.806-08:00Did I Break Your Concentration?Umm a friend suggested since I can't talk about something maybe I should find an online board. So I went lurking. Reading through others comments, joking about there disease made me cry. It isn't just me and I'm screwed. There's one thing I've not mentioned on here, sometimes I feel like I'm getting dumber by the day. Sure I forget stuff, I may tell you the same Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-9375282789888006752008-03-11T19:50:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:42:31.521-08:00Blindsided...How weird is this, I haven't thought of him in a long time. At least not in this way. I talk to him, talk about him. He's been part of my life for over half of it. Even if we're not together anymore he's still part of my life. How odd to miss something, yet not want it back. Telling someone a story earlier about teaching him a lesson must have stirred something distant in my mind. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-3956441998330891752008-03-10T19:49:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:42:56.257-08:00Easy He knows about this because I told him. When I get too much stuff buzzing around in my head I need to let some of it out. Writing it down for storage? For future reference or whatever. People don't amaze me a lot. I've got a great group of friends that I know I can rely on. Mostly just party with. The new addition I met a month ago is the one that's buzzing around in my head (not for that Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-85601550141468601802008-03-10T01:19:00.000-07:002009-01-12T03:43:15.100-08:00Spring vs FallWhen watching The Notebook tonight I realized what got me about him at first. You know that scene with the ferris wheel? That brashness that only youth can have. Too bad I'm not some pretty young thing like Allie was. That movie gets me every time, the first time I watched I must have cried for 20 minutes after it was over. Anyway, he's still so easy to talk to and I really like Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-71285840379587219202008-03-08T17:16:00.001-08:002008-12-12T09:16:09.633-08:00It's good to be right...Back in previous post I was venting about country radio.... See I know a number one hit when I hear one! The newest single from one of my favorites that my local radio station initially refused to play has hit number one on the charts. Although on the Radio and Records chart it peaked at number 2. Not too bad.Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-2995665056361406992008-03-03T22:17:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:43:40.991-08:00Enough RopeSo this is going to be a bad one... This is what I'm looking at. All negative, my situation and my environment is putting these thoughts in my head. As of recently I hate my job. Working for a new client which basically caused me to lose my overtime, my bonus and my free Directv. In essence my rate of pay dropped like $3 an hour. So I'm working just hard enough to keep from getting Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-14723453414816244902008-02-25T00:13:00.000-08:002008-12-12T09:34:58.735-08:00Rebif SucksJust took my shot before bed like you're supposed to, three times a week. Sunday is one of my three days. They better come up with a pill real goddamn fast because I'm tired of this. Yes, I know they are making advances all the time. The fact that I have any medication to take is an improvement and possibly a miracle blah, blah, blah... I just hate wondering "is this the shot that's Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-54763709047884806852008-02-06T19:46:00.000-08:002008-02-06T22:51:41.715-08:00S.S.D.D.My Ipod has been repeating my newly purchased Stone Sour album during my trips to the gym. That album is safe because not a single song on it reminds me of you, well maybe just that last one. Hey, we gave it a good try. That's a lie? We made a half-assed, wounded attempt to go beyond friendship and failed, but not badly. Hehe, maybe we, or you, or even me doesn't know we failed for now. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-5630470543478104962008-02-04T22:58:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:44:18.448-08:00Awake: The FanAmazingly after the last few days I woke up in a great mood this morning. Had I a revelation while I was sleeping? Everything is so clear now and makes sense again. Normally, through maturity and life experience, I have a pretty good understanding of the Fan and the way it works. Right before the shit hits it, I see it coming and step to the side of the Fan. Over the last few monthsNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-20066668434992274712008-02-01T18:18:00.001-08:002009-01-12T03:44:38.881-08:00This was on a friend's Myspace page, in quotes, and I thought it sounded so cool...and so true. Don't know where it originally came from so I can't attribute it to anyone, but it was too perfect not to share. "love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-41196393531705168312008-01-24T20:56:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:45:06.418-08:00Random act of kindnessSo I've been going through the hiring process for a government job. Had the courage to apply, went through the testing phase, working on the SF86 background check form. I researched and researched this job and it seems to fit in every way. Today they called for the next phase, some kind of interview. The guy went through this ten minute spiel on the requirements and Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-38940263122057340862008-01-21T22:42:00.000-08:002008-01-22T22:56:32.579-08:00This too shall pass...You're the edge I just stepped off of... Why do I get nervous around you? I shouldn't be anymore. Dropping things, laughing too much, running red lights. I've not acted like such a retard in my life, I need a helmet... You're gonna bail. Leave me behind. Part of me wants you to go, get it over with. You will forget me and move on. There's something about you I can't put my Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-59875701175818667572008-01-07T22:10:00.000-08:002008-01-22T22:58:25.624-08:00Maybe...ships passingHow many mistakes will you watch me make before you walk away? Working on quite the collection right now. How blind will you allow me to be? You tried to hide, but I saw, and I ignored it. It couldn't possibly be real, I had to of misunderstood. It was there every time, and I knew but pretended not to. So I stupidly ran. Maybe I fell down because something hurt when I ran. Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-53782377260375832232007-12-30T23:08:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:45:39.627-08:00Here's Your SignWatching one of my favorite comedian's (Bill Engvall) tonight reminded me of this incident... The morning I was to have that minor surgery, after Thanksgiving, I woke up with a raging headache. Not a migraine, but one that I could probably get rid of with some tylenol. Having been instructed not to eat or drink anything after midnight, I couldn't take anything. Driving to the Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-31883152265332740272007-12-18T08:34:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:46:06.901-08:00Naming Names?Aha! Someone was eve's dropping on my conversation the other day. We were talking about the latest coward in Omaha to go up against innocent lives with an automatic weapon. God, how pissed I was when the news was talking about his note saying at least he would be famous now. Well don't publish his name! Don't utter it on air. Ever. Don't give them what they were looking for. RememberNataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-15469159709944706782007-12-16T12:39:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:47:01.656-08:00Don't BlinkWhenever I watch this video I get a little misty-eyed, and I'm not really sure why. When I was a kid I remember people telling me how time flies as you get older, being a kid my attitude was "whatever". Of course, now I know what they were talking about. It's hard to believe I've been 30 for a year, and now I'm 31. Youth is truly wasted on the young. Time is slipping by and I'm trying Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-39270644827803037552007-12-02T22:37:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:47:40.529-08:00It's got claws!?!My friend's and I were talking about how maybe we got through November unscathed this year. Then I told her about putting the previous entry on here and her jaw dropped. Yup, I did it. Well November landed on my ass, literally. The day after I posted that. We made our traditional Thanksgiving trek to Utah, these friend's really are my family. Side note: Sometimes the meds I take Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-5654535934458465082007-11-21T19:08:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:48:11.973-08:00Somewhere I know this might be it, this maybe when. Maybe it will stop. I can hope. Writing this some time ago I never had the balls to put it in on here. I was told it's not the right time. When will it be? Twenty years? Thirty years? My death bed? Some may read this and think "get over it". You've not lived it. Sometimes during the year it crosses my mind but in October it begins to scratch my Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3864269.post-51239540514838560112007-11-17T14:13:00.000-08:002009-01-12T03:48:37.108-08:00My PeopleSome thoughts were going thru my head after this last weekend. I really had fun. Live music, explosions, loud jets and men in uniform. What more could a girl ask for? Those things you can get anywhere most of the time. What really stuck out to me and made it fun was the people I was with. If it had just be me I would have enjoyed it, but it wouldn't have been the same. These are my Nataliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719576372687869864noreply@blogger.com0