Time Travel
K update on the A/C thing... it was a blown fuse. Bah, took the guy like 5 minutes to fix. My mother kept saying something about a capacitor (I knew what she meant, but I also know the difference between a capacitor and a fuse). Couldn't help myself. "It wasn't the flux capacitor was it?" I giggled and she looked confused. Nice. She mentions the same thing to my brother, who asks her the same question. We both look at each other and laugh "Great Scott! 1.21 gigawatts!" and walk away (yes I am a geek, i said it). At least 6 hours later she asks me "what's a flux capacitor and why were you two laughing about it?" Being me I can't just say what it is. Have to be a smart ass and make her guess (gee I wonder where the boy gets that from). Mentioned the flux capacitor again, DeLorean, good ol' 1955 (that really threw her), 1.21 gigawatts generated by the bolt of lightening and the flux capacitor that makes time travel possible. Bing, I swear I actually saw the light bulb flicker and come on over her head...hehe...
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Here's Your Sign
Watching one of my favorite comedian's (Bill Engvall) tonight reminded me of this incident... The morning I was to have that minor surgery, after Thanksgiving, I woke up with a raging headache. Not a migraine, but one that I could probably get rid of with some tylenol. Having been instructed not to eat or drink anything after midnight, I couldn't take anything. Driving to the hospital I was starting to feel like I was going to hurl. Outpatient surgery informed me that my surgery wasn't actually scheduled until 3:45, not 9am like the doc had told me. I still had to stay because of all this other crap they had to do to me. My friend Kim, who was there with me and has probably forgotten more medical crap than I have ever known, told me just take the pills with a sip of water. It'll all be out of my system long before the surgery. I'm a caffeine and breakfast kind of girl, so I'm already spiralling into a foul mood. After being assigned my room, the nurse starts asking me questions while I'm filling out some forms. Have I eaten or drank anything? Sure, see this bottle of water? I have drank this much (maybe 2 ounces). She was aghast, and proceeded to condemn me for doing such a horrible thing. "And we might just have to cancel your surgery and schedule it for another day and..." Hehe, really??? "Nothing against your staff, but the doctor and his staff have already pissed me off and if we could start over another day because I had a sip of water? Fine, let's do that. Can I go now?" She would have to check with the doctor. Well apparently the bit of water was A OK with the good doc. About a half hour later the same nurse came running back in..."Has anyone done a pregnancy test on you?" Hmmm don't think so? She handed me a cup and I lost it, completely lost it I was laughing so hard I could barely stand up. My thought was "Here's Your Sign" but instead I managed to say, through the bursts of laughter "If I wasn't supposed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight, how do you purpose I fill this? I bet you're glad I drank that water now!" The woman in the bed next to mine lost it...
Watching one of my favorite comedian's (Bill Engvall) tonight reminded me of this incident... The morning I was to have that minor surgery, after Thanksgiving, I woke up with a raging headache. Not a migraine, but one that I could probably get rid of with some tylenol. Having been instructed not to eat or drink anything after midnight, I couldn't take anything. Driving to the hospital I was starting to feel like I was going to hurl. Outpatient surgery informed me that my surgery wasn't actually scheduled until 3:45, not 9am like the doc had told me. I still had to stay because of all this other crap they had to do to me. My friend Kim, who was there with me and has probably forgotten more medical crap than I have ever known, told me just take the pills with a sip of water. It'll all be out of my system long before the surgery. I'm a caffeine and breakfast kind of girl, so I'm already spiralling into a foul mood. After being assigned my room, the nurse starts asking me questions while I'm filling out some forms. Have I eaten or drank anything? Sure, see this bottle of water? I have drank this much (maybe 2 ounces). She was aghast, and proceeded to condemn me for doing such a horrible thing. "And we might just have to cancel your surgery and schedule it for another day and..." Hehe, really??? "Nothing against your staff, but the doctor and his staff have already pissed me off and if we could start over another day because I had a sip of water? Fine, let's do that. Can I go now?" She would have to check with the doctor. Well apparently the bit of water was A OK with the good doc. About a half hour later the same nurse came running back in..."Has anyone done a pregnancy test on you?" Hmmm don't think so? She handed me a cup and I lost it, completely lost it I was laughing so hard I could barely stand up. My thought was "Here's Your Sign" but instead I managed to say, through the bursts of laughter "If I wasn't supposed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight, how do you purpose I fill this? I bet you're glad I drank that water now!" The woman in the bed next to mine lost it...
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Oooh! Oooh! I gotta share this before I forget. I have fun with telemarketers when they call if I'm bored. Well last Friday I was. I get a call from this guy, very "Indian" (dots not feathers) I mean he sounded fresh off the boat. In my experience they are not as fun as they don't get some American stuff. I decided to try anyway. He starts out the conversation saying that I have been awarded a grant from the government in the amount of $8,000. He then verfies my name and address...
me: why do I get this money?
guy: for being a good tax paying citizen
me: Cool so when will the check get here?
guy: we cannot send by check...
me: I'll take cash
guy: Ma'am we will deposit it directly into your bank account.
me: Oh sure, you must have that info on record from when I got my tax refund.
guy: Is your bank "x" with a routing number of "xxxx"?
me: Sounds right.
guy: I just need the next series of digits from your check book.
me: (laughing) Are you crazy? I'm not giving you my account number. Send me a check.
guy: I work for the federal government and I already have your routing number...
me: Anybody can get that number, I'm not impressed. What branch of the government do you work for?
guy: For the federal government of the United States..
me: I understand that, but what branch? What department?
guy: I don't understand...
me: What part of the Federal government do you work for...
guy: Utah
me: Utah? That's a state.
guy: Utah
me: What part of Utah?
guy: St. George, now if I can get your checking account number...
me: No, send me a check, send my bank a check I don't care but I'm not giving you that number. What do you do for people that don't have a bank account? Do that for me.
guy: We give them time to open an account and then we call them back.
me: Well I'm pretty busy, and I'll have to open another account just for this so give me your company name and number and I'll call you back when I have it.
guy: 1-800-551-7099
me: company name?
guy: New Federal Grant Information (continues trying to get checking info, but I'm dialing the 800 number on my cell)
me: Ok why does no one answer that number? I just get a recording saying thank you for calling customer service.
guy: We are very busy trying to help other...
me: But your company doesn't even identify itself on the recording, any legitimate business would at least identify itself...
guy: Ma'am I assure you this is the federal government...
me: Tell you what, I want the toll number, the local number to your office.
guy: What number? I don't have any other number...
me: What number do you use to call in sick? That's the number I want, if you're in St.George it should start area code 435...
guy: I can't give you that number...
me: You can't give me your local number and you want my checking account number? (googling 800 number now)
guy: Ma'am...
me: (I start reading him the news article from New York)
guy: Where are you getting this information from?
me: The internet (start reading article from Attorney General West Virginia). Do you understand what that means?
guy: No, I make calls they pay me hourly.
me: It's a scam. You are ripping people off. You get account numbers and who you work for takes the money out of their account.
guy: What I'm doing is a scam? Where are you reading this?
me: The internet, Attorney General for the State of West Virginia. They are looking for the people you work for and they are going to put them in jail.
guy: Jail?
me : yea it's illegal, look from one person to another I also work in a call center...
guy: You do? You make calls?
me: No, I take calls from customers for a legitimate business, you need to quit and find another job because they will put you in jail too. Ok?
guy: So I should quit.
me: Yes before you go to jail.
guy: Thank you.
me: You're welcome.
Tada! My work is done here. I finally got one to quit.
me: why do I get this money?
guy: for being a good tax paying citizen
me: Cool so when will the check get here?
guy: we cannot send by check...
me: I'll take cash
guy: Ma'am we will deposit it directly into your bank account.
me: Oh sure, you must have that info on record from when I got my tax refund.
guy: Is your bank "x" with a routing number of "xxxx"?
me: Sounds right.
guy: I just need the next series of digits from your check book.
me: (laughing) Are you crazy? I'm not giving you my account number. Send me a check.
guy: I work for the federal government and I already have your routing number...
me: Anybody can get that number, I'm not impressed. What branch of the government do you work for?
guy: For the federal government of the United States..
me: I understand that, but what branch? What department?
guy: I don't understand...
me: What part of the Federal government do you work for...
guy: Utah
me: Utah? That's a state.
guy: Utah
me: What part of Utah?
guy: St. George, now if I can get your checking account number...
me: No, send me a check, send my bank a check I don't care but I'm not giving you that number. What do you do for people that don't have a bank account? Do that for me.
guy: We give them time to open an account and then we call them back.
me: Well I'm pretty busy, and I'll have to open another account just for this so give me your company name and number and I'll call you back when I have it.
guy: 1-800-551-7099
me: company name?
guy: New Federal Grant Information (continues trying to get checking info, but I'm dialing the 800 number on my cell)
me: Ok why does no one answer that number? I just get a recording saying thank you for calling customer service.
guy: We are very busy trying to help other...
me: But your company doesn't even identify itself on the recording, any legitimate business would at least identify itself...
guy: Ma'am I assure you this is the federal government...
me: Tell you what, I want the toll number, the local number to your office.
guy: What number? I don't have any other number...
me: What number do you use to call in sick? That's the number I want, if you're in St.George it should start area code 435...
guy: I can't give you that number...
me: You can't give me your local number and you want my checking account number? (googling 800 number now)
guy: Ma'am...
me: (I start reading him the news article from New York)
guy: Where are you getting this information from?
me: The internet (start reading article from Attorney General West Virginia). Do you understand what that means?
guy: No, I make calls they pay me hourly.
me: It's a scam. You are ripping people off. You get account numbers and who you work for takes the money out of their account.
guy: What I'm doing is a scam? Where are you reading this?
me: The internet, Attorney General for the State of West Virginia. They are looking for the people you work for and they are going to put them in jail.
guy: Jail?
me : yea it's illegal, look from one person to another I also work in a call center...
guy: You do? You make calls?
me: No, I take calls from customers for a legitimate business, you need to quit and find another job because they will put you in jail too. Ok?
guy: So I should quit.
me: Yes before you go to jail.
guy: Thank you.
me: You're welcome.
Tada! My work is done here. I finally got one to quit.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
I'm not working, what I now know was a leasurely, graveyard shift in tech support anymore. I'm in hell. I'm on days. I've gone from taking maybe 10 to 20 calls a night, surfing the web, writing in my blog and playing cards to non stop calls. These people are wearing me the fuck out. One of these days my mute button will fail and I will be unemployed. Example:
Me: Click OK
Cust: Should I click OK?
Me: Yes, click OK.
Cust: So click on OK?
Me: (mute)No dumbass maybe if ya sit there and stare at it long enough it will click itself (unmute) Yes, Please click OK now (mute) so I can get tha fuck off this call (unmute) so we can continue.
In light of my new found 'love' of my job I am reposting this.
Guide When Calling Tech Support
I will not hold your hand. Please have your hearing aid on and your reading glasses available when you call. If you've had your pc for three years I hope you have a basic understanding of what it is, what it does and where things go. I will not giggle with you when you say you are computer stupid or "computer illiterate". Buy a book, educate yourself. That's not my job. Ford doesn't include any driving lessons when you buy a car. Know the difference between an area code and a zip code. Please be sober. The computer tower is not called a modem and I will not refer to it as such. Yes if you try to email 100 pics to your grandma/sister/uncle/cousin it will freeze your computer. Please speak English, not to be rude here, but if you can't understand me and I can't understand you things could get ugly. Please have your computer on. Know which version of Windows you are using, very simple it says it everytime you turn on your pc. Office 2000 Professional, Microsoft Word, ME/2000 and my favorite "Flying Windows" are not versions of Windows. Oh yea, and Windows 2000 only came in the professional version (as far as anyone I talk to knows), saying it doesn't impress me it only makes me realize your level of knowledge. Do not brag to me about your job, or that you're a system admin/consultant/your office's pc god. You are still calling me for help so let me do my job, because I promise that you will feel stupid and I will feel underpaid when I tell you that you have the phone cord plugged into the wrong jack. Yes your husband is visting porn sites, that's where the pop ups come from. Please muzzle your dog or put him somewhere. If your child/baby wakes up or is crying that should be your priority, not your computer. For God sakes KNOW THE ERROR. Write it down! Know where it happens or at least how to reproduce it. "It just doesn't work" doesn't help me, soo I won't help you.
Me: Click OK
Cust: Should I click OK?
Me: Yes, click OK.
Cust: So click on OK?
Me: (mute)No dumbass maybe if ya sit there and stare at it long enough it will click itself (unmute) Yes, Please click OK now (mute) so I can get tha fuck off this call (unmute) so we can continue.
In light of my new found 'love' of my job I am reposting this.
Guide When Calling Tech Support
I will not hold your hand. Please have your hearing aid on and your reading glasses available when you call. If you've had your pc for three years I hope you have a basic understanding of what it is, what it does and where things go. I will not giggle with you when you say you are computer stupid or "computer illiterate". Buy a book, educate yourself. That's not my job. Ford doesn't include any driving lessons when you buy a car. Know the difference between an area code and a zip code. Please be sober. The computer tower is not called a modem and I will not refer to it as such. Yes if you try to email 100 pics to your grandma/sister/uncle/cousin it will freeze your computer. Please speak English, not to be rude here, but if you can't understand me and I can't understand you things could get ugly. Please have your computer on. Know which version of Windows you are using, very simple it says it everytime you turn on your pc. Office 2000 Professional, Microsoft Word, ME/2000 and my favorite "Flying Windows" are not versions of Windows. Oh yea, and Windows 2000 only came in the professional version (as far as anyone I talk to knows), saying it doesn't impress me it only makes me realize your level of knowledge. Do not brag to me about your job, or that you're a system admin/consultant/your office's pc god. You are still calling me for help so let me do my job, because I promise that you will feel stupid and I will feel underpaid when I tell you that you have the phone cord plugged into the wrong jack. Yes your husband is visting porn sites, that's where the pop ups come from. Please muzzle your dog or put him somewhere. If your child/baby wakes up or is crying that should be your priority, not your computer. For God sakes KNOW THE ERROR. Write it down! Know where it happens or at least how to reproduce it. "It just doesn't work" doesn't help me, soo I won't help you.
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