Right Roads

When I went for a walk last night it had stopped raining. Needed to go as part of my new commitment. The streets and sidewalks were slick, so no jogging. No sense in taking that chance on my still shaky knee. Just past the halfway point (same distance to go back as it would be to finish) it began to rain again. Large, gentle drops turning into a light rain. At first I was a little irritated. Alone in the semi dark with only my thoughts and my Ipod it came over me that this was sort of like a baptism. A washing away of my transgressions. These steps I was taking are backing me off the wrong road and down the right one. Someone pointed out to me that one thing that always made me happy before. Losing 90lbs. Going to the gym, exercising, being active. Two years ago I couldn't even walk around the block, let alone run. Worked my way up to jogging two miles a day. Somewhere I fell away from that path and back onto the wrong one. I don't want to be there again. Ever. You can get out of good habits as easily as you can form bad ones. Two weeks after starting to work from home I broke my tailbone and tore something in my knee falling down the stairs. So I stopped everything, put on a few pounds. That is not ok, I've healed. Whats my excuse? There is none. So last night I was soaked but happy. Five pounds down just this week, not much i know but dammit it's a step in the right direction, down the right road. What has excited me the most is falling back into an old routine I adopted really wasn't hard at all, almost second nature. Not nearly as hard as the first time, when I was convinced I would surely die in a world without pizza. Just remember I will die if I don't undo this now, and will be in misery until that day.

"Some day, I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?"

-Tim McGraw

"When the way comes to an end - Change. Having Changed you pass through."

-IChing

*BTW, I noticed this was my 200th post. Not bad. :)

Grandma's Roses

When the tears started as we past the exit I was kind of surprised. Already gazing out the window, I didn't need to hide it. Exit 16, down to SR-9 and into Hurricane (pronounced "Hurrikin" by locals). So many years I never went beyond that exit. For some reason this time as we past it on our way to Cedar, I thought of Grandma's roses and the tears began to fall. Every spring she would walk around her yard with me. The most beautiful one's I remember were a large bush just below their bedroom window. Large blooms that reminded me of a sunset. Try not to remember the two years or so that happened after Grandpa died. That time was not fair to her, God shouldn't be allowed to take one without the other, not after 70 years. On our way back, I told my friend how I was feeling, we decided on a detour to the cemetery. At the store I browsed through the different flower arrangements and potted plants. Realized how pissed Grandma would be if I left a plant out there to die, so I selected a single rose. We had to drive past their old house to get to the cemetery and the tears started again. To see all those rose bushes dead, some of them gone, the house in shambles. Ugly old vehicles parked out front. The house was near the cemetery on purpose, Grandma told me once, so whoever went first could visit the other. He left me to visit the grave on my own. Told them how much I missed them, how angry I was to see somebody let her roses die and that I brought her just one. One that was nothing compared to what she grew, what they both grew, in there yard and in my heart.

After I was done, I invited my friend over to the marker. So beautiful.