Red October
In the driveway I stood. My feet bare and cold on the wet concrete. Watching the wisps of purple grey clouds trying to hide the moon as it darkened. Cast in red. I stood watching thinking through the centuries of others who watched. Seeking knowledge, cowering in fear. How alone I felt, staring at that sphere. Hearing the cars go by and the shouts from the softball game across the street. All of us unaware of what the other was missing. In the end the clouds won, taking the red harvest moon from me.

On the other hand...
Red October moon + Red Sox= the curse is over!

isolation
It's a bad one and all I can think is 'hope has left the building'. With it went security (everything fails) and ambition (what's the point?). When you expect nothing you're rarely disappointed. This is the first time I've fallen back in my pit in awhile. At least I recognize it and it doesn't seem too be as deep. It doesn't lessen the pain any, though. Almost like having an epiphany and getting hit by a Mack truck at the same time. It came on so sudden and so hard. My own thoughts and emotions are my enemy. I know this. When I fall back down that's all I have. This may seem scattered, I'm rambling but at least I'm trying. If everything fails...maybe the meds are too?

A new addition...
In the right nav bar we have music...finally!

I have something too confess. I've wanted to for awhile but I wanted too make sure it was right. Also to make sure I was ok. After a long time with bouts of "the blues" and then periods of, what I thought was, being fine. It was getting worse and I didn't know it. No one around me could tell, I was a master at disguise. I started to really wonder when it started effecting my job. I couldn't focus on a thing. My entire job requires attention to detail and I didn't have it to give. That was my first clue that something might be wrong. My second clue was horrible. I had a panic attack. While I was driving. In 5 'o'clock fucking traffic. For no reason. Ya know how ya feel right before you faint? Like everything is swimming? I was crying, but couldn't breathe. My hands were shaking then numb, my face and feet went numb too. I thought I was having a stroke. It lasted almost an hour. I didn't know what a panic attack was until I told my friend what happened. I confessed too him one night everything. The intense highs and lows. The horrible thoughts. The time "I went crazy in my truck" (panic attack). I really thought I was going crazy. With his advise I went to the doctor. I'm not crazy. I'm bipolar. For the first time since I was a child I feel normal. I have middle ground again. My only wish is that I would have found out sooner. Thank god I did find out before it was too late.