Closure?

So many emotions over the last two days. When his death was announced, I rejoiced. We got him, he paid the debt he owed for his crime. Crimes against, not just the US, but humanity in general. I cried. I cried because I remembered. Remembered how I felt that day and the days after. Remember wanting to go dig with my bare hands and helpless to watch it all unfold on tv instead. Remember wanting someone to pay. Remember the stories of triumph and death that came with the war. How I felt each time I heard of another life lost. I remembered how devastated and upset I was when both mine and my best friend’s nephews joined the armed forces. Remember finding my friend sitting in the dark, staring out into nothing with half drunk 12 pack in his lap the night before he was to rejoin his unit. Remember last summer a friend telling me he volunteered to go back, it was all he knew to do and spending days trying to convince him not to. This time, he said, maybe the job will be finished. Not realizing til much later what he meant by that. Still hoping I am wrong. My tears were not ones of happiness from this man’s demise, but of remembering.

While waiting for the president’s speech Sunday, we watched on CNN the crowd start to gather at The White House. Waiving flags, they were singing the Star Spangled Banner and I got little choked up as the reality began to sink in and the memories started. We had sworn this day would come for him and it finally did. As the night progressed, the images turn to out and out celebrating. Maybe its my upbringing, but in my heart it feels wrong to celebrate death, anyone’s death. Did he deserve what he got? Of course and the world is better without him in it. Yet each time I see the celebration videos my heart cringes with embarrassment at the striking resemblances to dancing in the streets, in some cultures, after 9/11. 3000 innocent lives lost versus one monster, maybe that's the difference.