Sleep Tight...

This is not something I should feel embarrassed about, but I do. There was no cause or prevention I was aware of, I didn't even know the damn things really existed. We've all heard that saying from when we were kids 'sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite'. Along with Santa Claus is real and the monster in your closet isn't. So when my son informed me we have bed bugs about 18 months ago I thought he was joking. He had brought them home from his dads. I did what the internet said and encased his bed. Those little fuckers are everywhere. After my own mattress encasement got holes poked in it by the bed frame, I lost it. One morning I had 50 bites on one arm just between my elbow and wrist. I was ready to sleep in the bathtub. Instead we called Terminix (yes I will use them by name because their bed bug freezing treatment is a JOKE). They 'treated' our entire upstairs only, after telling us to move all of out belongings downstairs. Fuckers, that just infested the downstairs. An hour after said 'treatment' I was moving my bed only to find more bugs. It did reduce them significantly, but only until the next batch of eggs hatched. That was august. In march I moved out. Leaving behind anything that couldn't fit in the washer/dryer or be thoroughly inspected (left the tv's, dressers, beds, couch etc). In my mind it was worth it. I'm still terrified I missed one bug, one egg. Something was overlooked. Every itch has the potential to be followed by the signature three raised bumps. I itch constantly, although I've not had a bite in two months. There's no way to explain the mental toll this took, the embarrassment, the insomnia and the physical pain involved with these worthless insects. At this point I hope they're gone and I hope both the physical and mental scars will fade. Something that was said to me a long time ago keeps occurring to me. "Most people get rid of 1/3 of their stuff when they move, so three moves equals a fire." One infestation of bed bugs equals a fire.

Writing

I don't like not writing here. I like to feel frustration, anger, happiness and have it all come out into notepad. Whether I post it here or not. Obviously those emotions have not ceased to exist. Maybe, I'm not dealing with them or I've found a different outlet. Maybe there's no outlet at all. For the most part I'm happy, but even the shiny new life I have is not without tarnish. For the things my brain no longer lets me deal with I guess I just set them aside. Its easier. Writing was how I got things out. As I sit here now I'm thinking I need to re-evaluate where things are going instead. Not wanting to be one of those people that holds things in, I need to figure this out. This shouldn't be something else that's broken, the line of emotion that ran thru my fingers. These lines are the first I've typed since my last post. Nothing was hidden away. Even as I type this, it feels like deja-vu, familiar and foreign all at once. So let me work on this a little while and I'll see if I can still do it.

Well there was two things I wrote for the company he works for. They wanted to start a blog, with vague descriptions of what they were expecting, I put this up for them.

I'll be back soon.