Watching Airplanes...
I saw him play this song during the show at Sunset Station back in May and absolutely loved it. I waited patiently for the single to be released. Now that it's available, I've yet to hear any of my local stations play it. To me it sounded like a number one hit. I found the damn thing myself and now I can hear it anytime I want to. So there. Oh yea, and if anyone else wants to hear it look to the right...no video, just the song.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Chocolates
I don't know whether to laugh or cry reading this.... it's funny but not, taken at the surface it's only funny. When you get the depth to it...weird.
"Life is like a box of chocolates: A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for, unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or English toffee, but they're gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers. "
My addition... You will get wiser in your selections as you pick thru the box. You will still end up picking the crappy stuff on occasion. The real hard pieces will make your teeth stronger and appreciative of the softer ones. It's still chocolate. Even when it's bad, its still pretty good and better than no box at all.
credit to the widow
I don't know whether to laugh or cry reading this.... it's funny but not, taken at the surface it's only funny. When you get the depth to it...weird.
"Life is like a box of chocolates: A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for, unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or English toffee, but they're gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers. "
My addition... You will get wiser in your selections as you pick thru the box. You will still end up picking the crappy stuff on occasion. The real hard pieces will make your teeth stronger and appreciative of the softer ones. It's still chocolate. Even when it's bad, its still pretty good and better than no box at all.
credit to the widow
Monday, July 16, 2007
What a difference a year makes part II...
Many previous posts were fueled by a crazy part of my life. Roughly four years ago I was, what I know now, misdiagnosed as being bipolar. I had bouts of depression prior to that but who doesn't? I just never had the mood swings flip so freaking often. One minute I was full of energy and was the best thing on the planet and the next I was ready to die. So I went to the doctor, was given pills, and went on with my life. Not too much thought went into any previous medical history. The doctor assured me this was normal to suddenly develop this. After awhile the meds stopped working. After fighting thru several changes in medication and dealing with all the side effects (one was narcolepsy, what fun that was). I stopped taking the crap. I was fine. No more mood swings, panic attacks...nothing. Wait, isn't bipolar a life-long thing? Why did mine go away? I still had the racing thoughts occasionally and some difficulty concentrating, but was pretty much ok. My thought was eh, whatever. If it comes back I'll deal with it. For other reasons I had started losing weight and was pretty much enjoying my life. That was last summer.
The beginning of October a small dot appeared in the peripheral vision of my left eye. Over the course of a few days it spread completely across that eye. Imagine watching a tv with the brightness turned up, the contrast turned down and thru a piece of frosted glass. Most colors were washed out and light was blinding. A few guys at work were telling me "detached retina". I went to an opthamologist who told me it was an "ocular migraine". Hmm, new medical terms need to be googled. Well upon further research I found that's not what it was (they last about 30 minutes). It did explain another issue, I'll go into that later. So I went to another eye doc who was also baffled. At least he didn't bullshit me. Instead he referred me to a retina specialist and to my primary doc. The retina specialist was first. After yet another dilation of my eyes and this time injected dyes and pictures, they were also baffled. She then told me I may have had a mild stroke. Something called TIA and that I should see a neurologist right away. So I left that office thinking I may have a time bomb in my head.
The following day at work I fainted. Freaking out my co-worker who was aware of the problems I was having. That actually ended up to be pretty funny. Hehe, make fun of me about having an aneurysm. So next was my primary care doctor. She is just the coolest and I have the utmost faith in her. The blood test she ordered, my god, it took them 30 minutes just to drain enough blood to fill all the vials ordered. Brain MRI, carotid ultra sound and an echo cardiogram later the only thing she found was that I had a genetic condition that made it more likely for my blood to clot (Factor V Leiden and MTHFR). No tumors, MS or sign of a stroke. The MRI machine proved to me that I can be claustrophobic. What a horrible machine. So off to the neurologist I went. The first neurologist must have been the biggest asshole of a doctor I have ever encountered. That long ass form I had to fill out before I came in for the appointment, he never looked at it. He did not listen to me at all. He asked me questions, didn't wait for a response. Blew off every symptom to something he couldn't do anything about. The eye problem? Go back to your ophthalmologist we don't deal with eye problems here. I argued back that the optic nerve is part of the body he deals with. Even his assistant was looking at him like he was nuts. By the time I left I was so completely pissed off I couldn't speak. I waited 3 weeks for that appointment. What a waste of time. At that point I was done. No more doctor's. No more tests. I'll live with the eye problem. It had been 5 months and I kinda got used to it. Well, sometimes friends can be a real pain in the ass. Three of my friends diligently worked to convince me to go back to my primary care doctor and explain how I was treated by the doctor she referred me to. The "what if" that drove the point home was "and if you get the shit curtain on your other eye?" Fine. If only so they'd leave me alone.
The next guy was as a doctor should be. He actually read that lengthy questionnaire I filled out. He asked questions and listened to my answers, he made me feel that I was the only patient he had to see that day. More blood work and another MRI (evil fkn machine). One more trip to see him and I could shut everybody up. All he had to say was "I'm baffled, too." Then I would be done. Instead on February 20th he told me I had optic neuritis, an inflammation of the optic nerve, and judging from the other lesions on my brain it was caused by multiple sclerosis. Did I freak? Not really. I was relieved. Another MRI (grrrrr) and a spinal tap later he proved it was MS. In the meantime, he did cure my shit curtain eye with a 5 day round of IV steroids. If my luck prevails I won't ever have to take that crap again.
For doctors out there the moral of the story is... listen to your patients and take a complete medical history. It should not have taken 6 months and 6 doctors to diagnose this when I presented with two of the most common symptoms - extremity numbness and vision loss. Not to forget about the "bipolar" that went away. I'm not a doctor I don't know what dots to connect.
Many previous posts were fueled by a crazy part of my life. Roughly four years ago I was, what I know now, misdiagnosed as being bipolar. I had bouts of depression prior to that but who doesn't? I just never had the mood swings flip so freaking often. One minute I was full of energy and was the best thing on the planet and the next I was ready to die. So I went to the doctor, was given pills, and went on with my life. Not too much thought went into any previous medical history. The doctor assured me this was normal to suddenly develop this. After awhile the meds stopped working. After fighting thru several changes in medication and dealing with all the side effects (one was narcolepsy, what fun that was). I stopped taking the crap. I was fine. No more mood swings, panic attacks...nothing. Wait, isn't bipolar a life-long thing? Why did mine go away? I still had the racing thoughts occasionally and some difficulty concentrating, but was pretty much ok. My thought was eh, whatever. If it comes back I'll deal with it. For other reasons I had started losing weight and was pretty much enjoying my life. That was last summer.
The beginning of October a small dot appeared in the peripheral vision of my left eye. Over the course of a few days it spread completely across that eye. Imagine watching a tv with the brightness turned up, the contrast turned down and thru a piece of frosted glass. Most colors were washed out and light was blinding. A few guys at work were telling me "detached retina". I went to an opthamologist who told me it was an "ocular migraine". Hmm, new medical terms need to be googled. Well upon further research I found that's not what it was (they last about 30 minutes). It did explain another issue, I'll go into that later. So I went to another eye doc who was also baffled. At least he didn't bullshit me. Instead he referred me to a retina specialist and to my primary doc. The retina specialist was first. After yet another dilation of my eyes and this time injected dyes and pictures, they were also baffled. She then told me I may have had a mild stroke. Something called TIA and that I should see a neurologist right away. So I left that office thinking I may have a time bomb in my head.
The following day at work I fainted. Freaking out my co-worker who was aware of the problems I was having. That actually ended up to be pretty funny. Hehe, make fun of me about having an aneurysm. So next was my primary care doctor. She is just the coolest and I have the utmost faith in her. The blood test she ordered, my god, it took them 30 minutes just to drain enough blood to fill all the vials ordered. Brain MRI, carotid ultra sound and an echo cardiogram later the only thing she found was that I had a genetic condition that made it more likely for my blood to clot (Factor V Leiden and MTHFR). No tumors, MS or sign of a stroke. The MRI machine proved to me that I can be claustrophobic. What a horrible machine. So off to the neurologist I went. The first neurologist must have been the biggest asshole of a doctor I have ever encountered. That long ass form I had to fill out before I came in for the appointment, he never looked at it. He did not listen to me at all. He asked me questions, didn't wait for a response. Blew off every symptom to something he couldn't do anything about. The eye problem? Go back to your ophthalmologist we don't deal with eye problems here. I argued back that the optic nerve is part of the body he deals with. Even his assistant was looking at him like he was nuts. By the time I left I was so completely pissed off I couldn't speak. I waited 3 weeks for that appointment. What a waste of time. At that point I was done. No more doctor's. No more tests. I'll live with the eye problem. It had been 5 months and I kinda got used to it. Well, sometimes friends can be a real pain in the ass. Three of my friends diligently worked to convince me to go back to my primary care doctor and explain how I was treated by the doctor she referred me to. The "what if" that drove the point home was "and if you get the shit curtain on your other eye?" Fine. If only so they'd leave me alone.
The next guy was as a doctor should be. He actually read that lengthy questionnaire I filled out. He asked questions and listened to my answers, he made me feel that I was the only patient he had to see that day. More blood work and another MRI (evil fkn machine). One more trip to see him and I could shut everybody up. All he had to say was "I'm baffled, too." Then I would be done. Instead on February 20th he told me I had optic neuritis, an inflammation of the optic nerve, and judging from the other lesions on my brain it was caused by multiple sclerosis. Did I freak? Not really. I was relieved. Another MRI (grrrrr) and a spinal tap later he proved it was MS. In the meantime, he did cure my shit curtain eye with a 5 day round of IV steroids. If my luck prevails I won't ever have to take that crap again.
For doctors out there the moral of the story is... listen to your patients and take a complete medical history. It should not have taken 6 months and 6 doctors to diagnose this when I presented with two of the most common symptoms - extremity numbness and vision loss. Not to forget about the "bipolar" that went away. I'm not a doctor I don't know what dots to connect.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
What a difference a year makes...
Looking thru my blog I'm sure there are posts in here with me complaining about being overweight. Last summer I had sort of an awakening. The medication I was taking for being bi-polar had caused me to gain even more weight. Not that i wasn't huge to begin with, it just added to an existing problem. My realization was you never see an elderly obese person. Because they're weight kills them long before they get to that point. I wasn't even 30 yet and at the rate I was going I wouldn't see 50. I wouldn't ever see grandkids. I couldn't lie or kid myself anymore. No miracle was going to happen and make it all go away. Take some fkn responsibility for what you have created. Since that moment I stopped taking the medication. I stopped eating junk. I stopped making excuses and procrastinating. If I kept putting this off there won't be a tomorrow. There were so many things, foodwise, that I thought I would miss. I learned that if you behave yourself most of the time you can still eat 'bad' things occasionally. When I do I don't look at as a mistake or beat myself up over it. I enjoy it and then return to normal eating habits. I really don't miss the food at all. I sure don't miss the 85 lbs I've lost. I don't miss the first bag of "fat clothes" I got rid of. I don't miss the shoes I can't wear anymore because I lost a shoe size. The most important thing I won't miss is another day of my life because of being fat.
Looking thru my blog I'm sure there are posts in here with me complaining about being overweight. Last summer I had sort of an awakening. The medication I was taking for being bi-polar had caused me to gain even more weight. Not that i wasn't huge to begin with, it just added to an existing problem. My realization was you never see an elderly obese person. Because they're weight kills them long before they get to that point. I wasn't even 30 yet and at the rate I was going I wouldn't see 50. I wouldn't ever see grandkids. I couldn't lie or kid myself anymore. No miracle was going to happen and make it all go away. Take some fkn responsibility for what you have created. Since that moment I stopped taking the medication. I stopped eating junk. I stopped making excuses and procrastinating. If I kept putting this off there won't be a tomorrow. There were so many things, foodwise, that I thought I would miss. I learned that if you behave yourself most of the time you can still eat 'bad' things occasionally. When I do I don't look at as a mistake or beat myself up over it. I enjoy it and then return to normal eating habits. I really don't miss the food at all. I sure don't miss the 85 lbs I've lost. I don't miss the first bag of "fat clothes" I got rid of. I don't miss the shoes I can't wear anymore because I lost a shoe size. The most important thing I won't miss is another day of my life because of being fat.
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