2/16/02-5/30/09

She is gone. Taken to the emergency room Saturday night after realizing far too late that she was in liver failure. Brought on by the chemo, by the lymphoma or both. The events leading to the end don't matter as much. She didn't make me decide, she let go on her own a few minutes after we arrived. Rather than tell you how my heart is broken I would rather write about why I loved her. What made her special to me.

We named all of the the puppies from that litter. Silly names just to keep them straight. On her chest she had a white mark in the shape of a three leaf clover (it grew to look more like a radiation symbol). She was the sweetest of the group, yet I initially wasnt going to keep her. I couldn't let her go. A big roley poly puppy, she preferred our company to the company of the other dogs. The only brindle one in the group, she was striking. Picture a brindle labrador (she was lab/heeler/pitbull). The night she struggled her way onto my bed to sleep with me, rather that her mom or the remaining puppies, was when I decided. There she slept from then on. She was shy and responded to love. A stearn reprimand was all she needed, just like her mother. Remember when I taught her to shake she got so excited that she had done well, she would attempt to use both front paws and fall over. She is the only dog I've ever had hug me, sometimes her exuberance would cause injury (fat lip or two). Her hugs consisted of insistently pushing her nose under your arm until you put your arm around her. She'd then put her head on your chest and push a little. A 70 pound lap dog. When we got new couches downstairs we had to teach her to stay off them, but gave in a little when her back legs stayed firmly on the floor and the front half of her body was draped across your legs. See? Technically I'm not on the couch, I'm on you. Fiercely protective and guarded when people first came over, most people ended up being her best friend by the time they left. There were few people she didn't like (and the ones she didn't, I would later find out, I didn't either). One summer, after the 4th of July fireworks, she developed a lasting interest in airplanes. The flight path is just to the north of us and I caught her frequently sitting on the back porch watching them come in. She did not like the large blimp the flew around town, sometimes directly over the house. For many years work started for me at 6:30am meaning she needed to use the facilities by 6am. Not a morning dog. She'd wiggle and stretch and yawn. Go back to sleep. Get up, come to the top of the stairs and stretch and yawn, and go lay on the couch. She reminded me of a kid who didn't want to get ready for school. God forbid it was cold out, she learned that I felt bad for her if she shivered. She would shiver sometimes even when it was warm when she wanted to come in. On a sunny day she would bask in the yard for hours. You could watch her deflate, like her whole day was shot, when she stepped onto the deck and it was raining. Snow? Forget it. We had a freak snowstorm here last December, snowed from noon until well after I went to bed. She held it for 24 hours before she gave in. Well, I could go on and on about the other typical dog things, car rides, chasing birds (only pigeons for her), the time she chewed a hole thru my mattress, remodeled the bathroom, the way she whined when I got home, put her head in my lap when I was crying, snuck into our room when she wasnt invited, fell up the stairs, banged her head, bury her head in my lap when she was embarrassed or in trouble, her fear of flashlights, sometimes ran her mom into the wall (nicknamed her Gordon for that)... I could go on. She was very protective, and a big baby. Fierce enough to chase someone out of our yard, and gentle enough to play with our ferret and bathe a kitten. So, I'll carry the rest with me, all the things that are side effects of the unique love for her. These were the things that brightened my days, a nudge, a hug, a bark, and what makes my days dimmer now that she's gone.