WooHooo! I made it thru November, and I'm pretty sure I'm unscathed. :D This month is starting out *excellent*... more on that later. ;)

I think that all the nasty shit that happened to me in August totally counted as November for this year. Maybe someday I might post on here what started the whole "November thing". Then again, maybe I won't. Might be too much. Anyway, I have no idea if anyone reads this or if anyone cares but I'm really going to try to post more on here. Hopefully it won't be just for my own amusement.

Guide When Calling Tech Support
I will not hold your hand. Please have your hearing aid on and your reading glasses available when you call. If you've had your pc for three years I hope you have a basic understanding of what it is, what it does and where things go. I will not giggle with you when you say you are computer stupid or "computer illiterate". Buy a book, educate yourself. That's not my job. Ford doesn't include any driving lessons when you buy a car. Know the difference between an area code and a zip code. Please be sober. The computer tower is not called a modem and I will not refer to it as such. Yes if you try to send 100 pics to your grandma/sister/uncle/cousin it will freeze your computer. Please speak English, not to be rude here, but if you can't understand me and I can't understand you things could get ugly. Please have your computer on. Know which version of Windows you are using, very simple it says it everytime you turn on your pc. Office 2000 Professional, Microsoft Word, ME/2000 and my favorite "Flying Windows" are not versions of Windows. Oh yea, and Windows 2000 only came in the professional version, saying it doesn't impress me it only makes me realize your level of knowledge. Do not brag to me about your job, or that you're a system admin/consultant/your office's pc god. You are still calling me for help so let me do my job, because I promise that you will feel stupid and I will feel underpaid when I tell you that you have the phone cord plugged into the wrong jack. Yes your husband is visting porn sites, that's where the pop ups come from. Please muzzle your dog or put him somewhere. If your child/baby wakes up or is crying that should be your priority, not your computer.

To be continued....

Umm yea... a little incident with the radio station this morning. Cool subject... what TV show should be re made? They were reading from some survey that had the top 10 answers. So I was thinkin about old shows that I liked, one's that would fit in with times today...blah, blah, blah. Well then they decided to make it a little more interesting. Guess the number one show and win Kiss\Aerosmith tickets. Ooooh, not exactly a priority show for me, but hey the price is right and I'm off tomorrow night anyway. So I call in thinkin Charlie's Angels because of the movies and everything, thinkin people would vote for that. So I actually get thru, accomplishment number one. I give the guy my answer and he gets excited and puts me on hold. I'm thinkin omg, no way. He comes back and tells me to make sure I tell the DJ's this...back on hold. For fifteen freakin minutes. I'm getting excited. Who am I gonna take? How good are the seats? Is my cell battery going to die before he comes back? I've accepted I've won, yay me! Next thing the DJ comes on and I'm live on the air and I give my answer and he starts playing the theme song for the show and my hearts pounding and then he says... "Ohhh I'm sorry not even in the top 10." Click. Peh. I started laughing. Hehehehe, assumption is a mother. The number one answer? A-Team, the name of my team when I was a supervisor...Irony. Love it.

i try to walk
with my head up
and ignore
the clouds above
as they grow darker
closer
and I fail to see
what's tripping me
I stumble
Catch myself
No other hand is outstretched
I walk alone
and I'm starting to think
Than I'm on E
How many more times
can I trip
before I finally fall
and don't have the fuel
to start again

- me

I heard you say it
I saw your smile
I felt your touch like a thousand times before
and I saw it
that look in your eyes
the one that was only for me
you said everything
and made it right
you took it all back
You left her standing
where she belongs
alone
Cuz sometimes ugly really is to the bone
We laughed
and oh my god your tears were so real
and your touch I can still feel
if only I were still sleeping
just another fkn dream

- me

My theory of how things go wrong is pretty simple, and proven. Bad things always come in three's, unless it's November then there is no limit. Some of the worst things that have ever happened to me have been in November. It's a dreaded month. Hey this is August thou, right? So the "three" rule is applicable. Well at this point I now have credit. Maybe it will negate November for this year. Last Friday I drive drove my son to Mesquite. That is the halfway point between Vegas and Cedar City, UT. My friend's husband was meeting me there so my son could spend a week in Utah. Made it there fine. On the way back my truck started acting *funny*, smelled *funny*. The smell was only there in 5th gear thou, so I left it in 4th, slowed down and started praying that I make it back to Vegas. I've towed a vehicle back from Mesquite, it sucks and it's expensive (for those of you unfamiliar with Nevada geography, there is nothing in the 90 miles between Vegas and Mesquite, except Glendale which is a gas station). My friend Tom, god love em, is reading the manual and advising me of the proper shift speeds. I let him know that I was sure those didn't apply anymore after losing a gear. I'm reasoning with myself that it's just the clutch, ummm maybe fluid, maybe my brother will know when I get home. I kept telling myself there's no way that it's the transmission. Until I got off the freeway at home. It wouldn't go into 4th, I fought with it and it went in. Over the next three days it randomly chose what gears it would allow me to drive in. All my friends were suddenly mechanics and I got a variety of answers from them. My brother and my husband insisted it was the fluids. Fine. I took it to the auto center down the street and explained to the guy there about the noise, the smell and how it would work fine one minute and refuse the next. He looked at me like a dog listens to a high pitched noise, said he would drive it and they would see what was wrong. Two hours later he's telling me it's the tranny and the clutch, gave me the estimate and advised me to get a 2nd opinion. I was stunned. Not both. Daaaaayuuuummmm....
The search for 2nd opinion. This had to start at my mom's because in Sprint's infinite wisdom they cut my phone off because I had exceeded my daytime minutes (what about all the night and weekend minutes I have left?). That argument is ongoing and might be another post there. Several opinions later... my truck might last me thru the day or it could last 6 months. It might cost anywhere from $500-$2000 to fix. I went home, I needed sleep. Sitting at the light around the corner from my house this very nice lady in a mini van rear ended me. I'm fine, my truck is not even scratched, her front end is messed up from where she hit my towing hitch. I'm going home, need sleep. There's a note on my front door from my brother saying to call him as the air conditioner is not working right...it's blowing smoke out of it. At this point as long as the smoke is cold I'm willing to deal with it. Fine, I'll call him. From a @*%$! payphone! LOL this is where the hysterical laughter began and lasted for about 10 minutes. I have to be to work in 6 hours, I have not slept yet and will not be able to sleep when it's 110 degrees with no a/c. I'm calling in sick. I went to the payphone called my brother and the landlord (to leave him my brother's number). Went home and my phone works. I called in sick. Then this very nice, sweet, cute guy I've been seeing calls and since I called in sick I should come over. Agreed. I wonder if he still would have invited me if he would have known he'd be pushing my truck? I have road side assistance thru my sprint phone, they pay for 3 miles worth of towing. For some reason my 15 mile tow was free...lol I guess that'll be my revenge on Sprint. Stay tuned...I haven't gotten it to a shop yet, I bet that will be interesting, too.

I taste like Bread. I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking. What Flavour Are You?

Ok, maybe I don't post here as much as I should and I definetly don't post as much as I want to. I think part of the reason on that is the realization that maybe blogging is a double edged sword. Some things are ike "Cool, the world should know." Yet it seems like the things that are really on my mind, be it bad or good, are often times the things I'm leary about posting on here. I'd hate to have the wrong person read it. Also writing for me can be tricky because unless it's something I'm passionate about it usually comes out sounding lame.

I keep telling myself "I Love my job, I love my job, I love my job...but dammit I HATE Microsoft." I walked into work tonight and there was about 50 calls in que waiting at 45 minutes. Just so you know, that is a shitload of calls. My first response...WTF???
Turns out it's a new worm/virus that takes advantage of security flaw in Windows XP. *Gasp*! Who'd a thunk it? Windows is flawed? Of course everyone calls there internet tech support because while your online you get a dialog box saying your pc will shut down in 59 seconds, but it only happens while your online. Anyway I guess it's kind of funny in a way. The only way to fix this problem for most computer users is to download the patch from Microsoft. Yet when you sign on to the internet that's when it shuts down your pc. Irony...gotta love it. I guess after all the stress of explaining to people that it really isn't our service and then explaining how to fix it (or for the exceptionally stupid or rude, referring them to the vendor) I was do for a mad case of the giggles at some point. Unfortunately for me it was during a call and at the customer's expense. This very pc challenged, but nice lady in Florida was really beginning to get on my last nerve when it dawned on me that she sounded exactly like Mrs. Roper (from Three's company). Thank god for the mute button cuz I was done. I expected her to say "Stanley? Stanley?" at any moment. When she spoke I could just picture her in one of those moo moo's...and was off again. Anyway by the end of the night I felt like a recording. I love my job...I love my job...I love my job...RIGHT.

to know how it is
to die from the inside out
to feel
best times in life
passed you by
when your head was down
getting ahead
see your dreams
in some one elses hands
and hope lies dead
when memories and time
are all u have left
and everything
stands
just out of your reach
when alone
is what you have
maybe then you can feel
everything about me

- me

The more I think of this the more I realize it's me....and maybe it's always been. Hard time making friends, feeling trapped in my own skin. I always think "They're really not going to wanna talk to me." Locked up when I'm around new people, especially in large groups (2 or more). Clamshell time. Today I went to my dad's house for Easter dinner. Everything was cool until my step brother's and there girlfriend's arrived. I might as well have been introduced to there girlfriends as the clamshell on the couch, cuz that's what I was doing. Ya know the old saying "it's better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." I felt just.... I dunno....like I crawled deep inside myself when they showed up. I prolly didn't speak for like an hour and half. Plenty of time to think. That's when it occurred to me, as they tried a few times to include me in the convo, that it really was me. Locked up tight in my shell...on guard, thinking over witty responses. Then thinking better of them and just sitting there. A few things finally did come out and I didn't flop. The uncomfortableness never really went away. I mean wtf?

When I walked into work last night the reality of what was going on in the world really hit me. It wasn’t the soaring gas prices or grocery stores running out of water and duck tape. It was the TV’s in the break room. We don’t have TV’s in the break room. The only other time they have ever been there was on 9/11. It gave me goosebumps. I’m scared. I’m scared for the men and women who are over there and for there families. I’m scared of potential retaliation on US soil. I’m scared of the unknown. I want to go about life as always. My son asked me if we should stock up on water and things, just in case. I need to look out for him no matter what. I will get the water, if it will set his mind at ease. At the same time I don’t want to do anything different, although somehow I feel different inside. I will not let some stone age rag heads a half a world away change me anymore than they already have (and those changes were for the better). I am an American, I stand behind our President and we will not back down.

Liberty or death, what we so proudly hail
once you provoke her, rattling of her tail
never begins it, never, but once engaged...
never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage
don't tread on me

To secure peace is to prepare for war

…we’ll put a boot in yer ass it’s the American way

I guess maybe a little lesson for everyone this week. Never give up hope. Hope and prayer and refusing to give up brought Elizabeth Smart home again. I followed closely this story of her abduction. Utah is like a second home to me. My son, my husband and his family are Mormon. It hit hard to me that someone like her was taken. Usually it’s a child from middle or lower class families and within a few weeks the body is found. In the back of my mind as the time slipped away I always expected that. One day I would be reading the news or watching TV and her body would be found in the wilderness of Utah. I felt so horrible for her family. How foolish they must be to continue to hold out after all this time. Nobody comes back after that amount of time. Not alive. Yet here she is, a living, breathing symbol of what hope, faith and determination can bring. Everytime I think of her I get a lump in my throat. I know her ordeal is not over, but belonging to a family like that I know she can get thru anything. My only bad thought on this are those parents who don’t know now and may never know what happened to there children. Who must be watching all this and rejoicing for the Smart family…yet secretly dying inside for there own loss. Not knowing if there question will be answered. Alive or dead? I’m sure at some point either answer is better just to stop the waiting and the unknown.

I found something I wasn’t looking for. “Don’t Forget The Oatmeal”, a book my husband and I read to our son sooo much that the binding has been taped and re taped. We actually hid it from him at one point. That’s not what I was looking for. Packing tape. Just needed packing tape. I ended up in the room I never go in. The room full of the things we never unpacked, stacks of boxes. My old life is in there. Neatly packed away. Everything I was. Everything we were together. Maybe it would be easier now if we had of unpacked. I think if we would have unpacked we would have been ok. Made this place a home. We were too broken then. I’d rather die now than open one box. Some how I don’t feel like those things belong to me anymore. Some happy family’s stuff ended up in that room and I don’t know how. That’s where it will stay. I found the box that I know has his wedding ring in it. I didn’t look. I found the packing tape. Then the book. That’s how I ended up standing in a room full of boxes crying, holding packing tape and a Sesame Street book. If I hadn’t of remembered the packing tape, today would have been ok. Then I had to laugh. What better way to send back a box to Dell.... the packing tape has Compaq written all over it. LOL.... I love Dell thou.