Enough Rope

So this is going to be a bad one... This is what I'm looking at. All negative, my situation and my environment is putting these thoughts in my head. As of recently I hate my job. Working for a new client which basically caused me to lose my overtime, my bonus and my free Directv. In essence my rate of pay dropped like $3 an hour. So I'm working just hard enough to keep from getting fired and that's not like me. I didn't get where I am by being a slacker, my "don't give a shit" attitude has never been so strong for that place as it is right now. On a good note, the salary cap with the new client is higher than the old one, so I may get a raise. The first in three years. So help me God if they give me a quarter I'll quit. That's an insult. Why do I stay? I'm good at what I do and after 10 years I can get away with murder there. My recent job searches have been futile. Onto home life, my decision to help out my mother so she could sell her house and quit one of her jobs has turned into a living hell for me. Getting nagged and constantly having someone on my ass has gotten real old real fast. It's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue when nothing I do is enough. If I get out of that house and out of this state she will be screwed. It's killing me to stay here, I feel like I'm losing my soul. It's slowly being bitched out of me. Keep in mind I hate Vegas to begin with and this is just making it worse. Starting to feel like I've been cornered. Weigh down. Paralyzed. This isn't being depressed this is being done. Don't want to be home, work, anywhere really. Usually I find my way out of things but I don't know how anymore. There is no way out this time. Everything is a constant uphill battle. Medical bills are piling up too and I'm drowning... Can't I just chuck it all and move to Tahiti? No? Fuck it I'm going to the bar...

"Well I’m thankful for the things I have,
And all the things I don’t.
And I’ve got dreams that will come true,
And I’ve got some that won’t.
Most the time I just walk the line wherever it goes.
‘Cuz you can’t hang yourself if you ain’t got enough rope."

- Chris Knight