Everything feels like it has to be now. The kaleidoscope of lights and zig-zag lines across my vision is starting to happen everyday. They told me it was an ocular migraine. My eyeball has a headache. They've told me a lot of things. The best parts of my life, the parts that matter, I want to spend living, working and playing somewhere that appeals to me. Somewhere we can have a better life, somewhere I might be able to afford the medication that can prolong the parts that really matter. It has to be now because I don't know what kind of later there will be. Something's shouldn't be funny, but they have to be. Like when I was driving the other day and I realized if one of my not so great tires picked now to blow... I'm driving on my spare. Not being negative, maybe stupid, but not negative. That's a good indication of how this feels. Four bald tires and no spare. It became funny when I started comparing it to Nascar. Maybe I can get away with just a two tire change this stop for track position. You'll know when I get there. The car with sparks flying, riding on the rims and the driver praying the bearings don't seize. Maybe I can do a Clint Bowyer and cross the finish line upside down on fire. I have to laugh at this stuff because I refuse to cry.

"There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by, and I have made up my mind those days are gone." - Rascal Flatts