Crossed Wires

Want to talk about this but Im not sure who to talk to about it. Several people I don't want to scare, like I am now, or have them think it's some drama crap. Sure, I've shared some but then let it go. One friend said, and he's right as usual, you could have been stressing over it this whole time. Little scared and a little pissed off. About two years ago I fainted at work, not the first time (or last) and I honestly wrote it off. Bit of rug burn on the forehead and a bump, not the end of the world. The next day my knee was killing me, so swollen I couldn't bend it (existed before falling) so I went to the clinic. They asked what happened to my head, so I told them. They were more concerned about me fainting than my knee, so they hooked my up to an EKG machine. Xrayed my knee and told me, even though it was the size of a softball, there was nothing wrong with it. However, on the EKG they found some blip that indicated Wolff Parkinson's White Syndrome. Wow, please explain? Basically it's an extra electrical pathway in the heart. May make your heart beat funny or cause palpitations from time to time. Nothing to worry about, have a nice day. That did explain the occasional erratic heartbeat and palpitations for as long as I can remember. Cool, at least now I knew what it was, end of story.

Thursday I went to the doctor again, several reasons, one being that four times over the last month I've come damn close to fainting while having the sensation that my heart wasn't beating at all. Then it would start beating like a sledge hammer for five or ten minutes. He did another EKG (before I told him this). Asks me if I have ever been told I have WPW syndrome. Sure. Good so you're under treatment. Treatment? What treatment? He looked as surprised as I felt. You need to see a cardiologist asap. Went into explaining atrial fibrillation, ventricular fibrillation and how the two can be bad in my case. Guess Afib can cause Vfib because of the weird way the electrical impulses run through my heart. Vfib is fatal if not treated within a few minutes. Also some long word that started with a T that swear I've heard on House. So it can be serious? Yes. How serious? Go to a cardiologist. Right. So who do I believe? The doc that sent me on my way or the one telling me it needs treatment? So fkn tired of needles, tests, doctors, pills, machines, IVs - enough to last me a lifetime. I don't even like taking Advil for a headache anymore. Part of me wants to stick my head in the sand. Lived with it thus far. The thought that stuck...what if I faint while I'm driving and hurt someone else? What if I just fall out somewhere alone? Been sitting here half the weekend thinking about it. Crazily in tune with the way my chest feels. Wanting to call somebody, but there's no one I can talk to. Not this time. Maybe it is drama, maybe it is crap, maybe neither doctor knows what they're talking about. Maybe they were both right in there own way. Maybe I'm just defective and should let nature takes it's course.